Oomidon wali Dhoop, Sunshine wali Aasha. Rone ke bahane kum hai, Hasne ke bahane Jyada...
Satyamev Jayate, as many say is the
desi version of The Oprah Winfrey Show, now reached it's 3rd
episode, my first to watch! :P And this 3rd episode took
the case of Dowry, indeed one of big topics to think about.
I have heard here and there, not much
though, about all these practices. As in, a guy's family taking a
toll on the girl's family in the name of keeping her happy. Most of
which had seen on TV in some or other serials, and then also in the
newspapers. But hearing the fact on the show was really shocking, and
hearing the stories of girl's going through the ordeal of the after
effect of dowry.
Though it was just me and mummy
watching the show, it did instigate a conversation between us, many a
times I exclaiming, “How can people do something like this??”
Maybe I haven't seen much of the world
outside, the reason my reactions were such. Then there were few on
the show 'coz of whom the show had a positive effect too. And the
small conversation we had is the reason why am writing this blog.
I asked mummy if anything of such
happened in our family. Her reaction was what made me understand 'No
wedding is perfect, no relationship is awesome. It is done by the
people in it.'
Very true.
Every time a wedding happened or even
the discussion happened in my vicinity regarding a wedding, being
young and small, I wasn't 'officially' allowed to be present in the
discussion but overheard many a times. Obviously am not aware of
everything, but it is agreed that the whole wedding's expense is
shared 50-50 between both bride and groom's family.
Isn't it is that all wedding has to be
like that? If both families are equally being part of it, then both
should share the expenses equally too. It's one of the thing am very
much proud of my family and my community, for that matter.
In the end, for those who missed the
show, there was this gentleman from Assam, North East who brought in
a point that Dowry is something they've unheard of. And also shared
this hypothetical situation he thought shouldn't arrive. Which goes
like this:
“Suppose there comes a time when I
have to watch a match on TV and my wife has to watch a serial at the
same time, there shouldn't come a time when she says this TV was
given by my family and she has first right to watch the TV. Then toh
my match gone and so is GPL on my izzat!”
That's all had to share.
Comments well appreciated.
I liked the previous writes better. However did enjoy reading this one too. -)
ReplyDeleteDowry is unheard of in matriarchal societies like some of the tribes of the North east and even certain communities down south. It is a stronger practice in male dominated communities (not generalizing, exceptions exist, fortunately) where getting 'rid' off the daughter after a certain age becomes a huge pressure. Dowry arises from the innate lack of respect for the girl child, that she is a 'burden' and should be surrendered soon enough. Hence, societies where women remain as mere kitchen-mongers, such practices take wing.
ReplyDeleteInstead of families paying for 50% of the wedding expenses... what do you think of the bride and groom themselves paying for their own weddings?
ReplyDeleteIt's very common here in Canada (Western world), and I feel it makes a lot of sense. Parents can pitch in for sentimental values i.e. the bride's dress, or a special ornaments etc. This way, marrying off your children is not a burden, and they can save money for their retirement (which is so practical!). Also, the couple can truly contribute to the beginning of their new life as husband and wife.
I don't want to comment on what happens in the society, as we are a part of it. We create norms according to our convenience.Maybe we are shocked with such incidents as we come from a different background.For them, a living relation or having sex before marriage would be equally shocking.I ain't justifying saying that dowry is good, but who sets these norms? Who decides what is good and bad. Where do you draw the line? In an educated family, dowry would come in the name of a big car, or a 3bhk flat, but it does exist in a sophisticated and elite society too.
ReplyDeleteTalk about theme weddings! One has to maintain a social status in society and show off his wealth.
But the whole point comes down to the fact that what do we do about it? If at all I get married, I do not know whether I will be able to convince my parents to slow down on the expenditure.Or perhaps, I would myself want a lavish wedding.... So where does one draw the line?
At the end, here is something funny.
http://www.dowrycalculator.com/